12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
