Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
