feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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