She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk is not a location!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
