too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
