Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck appropriateness.
she smelled like a LAN party
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
