I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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