So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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