i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
