He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
