Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
