There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
