was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
