capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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