I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
