dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
