You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
