just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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