Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
