Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
