That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
