What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
