i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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