Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
