Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
