It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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