maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
