she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So many bounce houses so little time
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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