he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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