Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
