I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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