We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I intend to get homeless drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
