I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
