I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
