just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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