So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
