At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
