The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
