I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
