I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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