she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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