dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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