You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think your dad took our porno
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
