she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
