a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
