I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
