the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
