carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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