Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My vagina is very pro this idea
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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