some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
