you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
