is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
