you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
