I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
