Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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