billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
