Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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