Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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